Saturday 31 March 2012

LOVERS ARE PRETENDERS??

Is that true people become pretentiousness when they are in love?


"I do my thing and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations. And you are not here to live up to mine. You are you. And I am I, and if be chance we find each other, it's beautiful."


~ This is exactly the true. Each one of us have their own specialty and weaknesses. No need to be just the same like the one you love. No need to like what he/she likes although you might hate it the most. No need to  sacrifice all things in your life just to be with him/her. And the most important no need to be someone else just because of you want to be the best and perfect in the eyes of the lovers. Just be the way you are..  


What is unconditional love?
Love is the one of the strongest emotions a person can have. It is a tender feeling of affection that you feel for another person. 



Unconditional love 
  • when you love someone the way he or she is without rules, not the way you want him or her to be
  • is the only kind of love that fills you up. Unconditional love is when you love without expecting anything in return. 
  • when you love without trying to change someone’s behavior and personality.
  • when you love your partner without trying to affect him or her.


For example, don’t get upset at your partner if he or she forgets to do something for you. You might get upset at behaviour, but not at your partner. You have to distinguish between the action and the one who takes the action. Being able to differentiate between the action and the doer is an important concept in every happy relationship. The action is something you might not like, but the doer is your partner whom you love with all of your heart and soul. This is one of the most important concepts in happy relationships and the basis of unconditional love. You have to distinguish between the action and the doer. You should dislike your partner’s action, not themselves.

"Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away."

Can A Love Triangle Be Healthy?


Love triangles are selfish. 
Everyone involved is satisfying their own needs, without considering anyone else's feelings. The victim must let their disillusioned lover go. The cheater should open his/her mouth and explain that he/she can't be in the relationship. The other woman or man should wait in the wings until said love interest has wrapped up the other relationship.

Life is short, be honest and save time when your relationship is flying on one engine. Don't wait for someone else to do it for you. Don't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be there, and don't pretend you want to be there if you don't.


Should we put aside our feelings first or our beloved's feelings first?
  • When we first enter into a relationship, our desire to merge with our beloved can be so enticing that we easily put aside our own individual needs as we begin to blend into a single entity with our partner. 
  • As time progresses in the relationship, however, one or both individuals might discover that they’ve sacrificed too many of their own personal needs in order to please the other. 
  • And in doing so, they’ve lost themselves in the process. Or in another very common scenario in which couples have been feeling merged, one partner suddenly asserts their need for personal space. 
  • While this assertion is typically an attempt to re-establish one’s own personal identity, the way in which a request for personal space is made can often leave the other person feeling threatened, rejected, or abandoned.
Dr. Greer mentions that couples work to keep a relationship alive in the face of "the never-ending fight." 

~ Often, one person in a union gives up when they feel there is no solution. In fact, many relationships continue despite one person's emotional detachment. The fights stop because someone has given up, but the other person in the relationship perceives this as healing. The couple stays together because they fear that final break. Relationships with only one investor can continue but they certainly aren't healthy. 

A two-engine plane can still fly if one engine fails, but who wants to sit on that plane?


In forming a marriage, you become a “We”. This identity as a “We” is a healthy expression of yourselves as a couple. Your identity as a “We” exists separately from the distinctive identity that each of you experiences as an individual “Me”. When you learn how to balance your personal identity with your identity as a couple, you are on your way to forming a strong, long lasting relationship.

CYRANO DE BERGERAC



Cyrano de Bergerac and Roxane

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret;
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly,
what is essential is invisible to the eye.
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, from The Little Prince

Cyrano de Bergerac was a real person, but his fame today is based on an 1897 play, loosely based on Cyrano's life, by Edmond Rostand. Rostand's play, Cyrano de Bergerac, spawned several film adaptations, an opera, a ballet, and is still performed regularly all over the world.

Savinien Cyrano de Bergerac, a Cadet in the French Army, is a brash, strong-willed man of many talents. In addition to being an incredible duelist, he is a remarkable poet and is also shown to be a musician. However, he has an extremely large nose, which is a target for his own self-doubt. This doubt prevents him from expressing his love for his cousin, the beautiful Roxane, as he believes that his ugliness forbids him to "dream of being loved by even an ugly woman."
As he is debating whether or not he should propose his love to her, she comes to see him. In a moment of great dramatic irony, she tells him that she believes she loves Christian de Neuvillette, a young cadet in the same regiment as Cyrano. Although disheartened by this chain of events, Cyrano agrees to protect Christian at Roxane's request.
When Cyrano confronts Christian, he sees that Christian too loves Roxane, but is intimidated by Roxane's intelligence and has no wit or intelligence of his own, even though he's a "handsome devil". Desperate to express his love for Roxane, even if it is unrequited, Cyrano offers to provide Christian with the type of dashing verse that he is associated with. Christian states that "I need eloquence, and I have none!" to which Cyrano replies "I'll lend you mine! Lend me your conquering physical charm, and together we'll form a romantic hero!"
Roxane, Christian and Cyrano
The two arrange love letters and memorize speeches to attempt to woo Roxane. Christian decides that he does not need Cyrano's help anymore, but humiliates himself in front of Roxane, and begs Cyrano to help him again. This culminates in the famous scene where Roxane is on top of a balcony believing she is speaking to Christian, but is actually speaking to Cyrano pretending to be Christian. After winning back Roxane's love through Cyrano's poetry, Christian is married to Roxane. Their brilliant plan, however, is blocked by Antoine de Guiche. De Guiche, the officer in charge of Cyrano and Christian's regiment, dislikes Cyrano and delights in ordering the Cadets to the siege upon Arras. Though Roxane attempts to keep de Guiche from sending the army away through subterfuge (and uses de Guiche's order to secure her secret marriage to Christian), she fails.
In a military encampment plagued by famine, Cyrano becomes obsessed with writing love letters to Roxane and crediting them to Christian. De Guiche, who is shown to be ridiculed by the soldiers he commands, orders the regiment on a suicide mission. However, Roxane, taken by the love letters, arrives with provisions. Roxane tells Christian that she loves him just for his soul, and would love him even if he were ugly. Hearing this, Christian tries to get the resistant Cyrano to tell Roxane about the entire scheme. However, the battle starts and Christian dies before Cyrano can properly inform her. Cyrano's pride and sense of honor preclude him from telling Roxane about the secret of the man who just died. The cadets charge in a mostly fruitless attack, bringing Act IV, set in 1640, to a close.
Cyrano and Roxane
The play resumes in 1655, 15 years after the events in Arras. Cyrano has become poor because his pride prevents him from receiving aid. His brash manner, however, has continued to earn him enemies. He visits Roxane, who still mourns for Christian, every Saturday at the cloister where she now lives. Cyrano is stricken on the head by firewood thrown from an open window while walking down the street. It is suspected that the incident was set up by someone that Cyrano had insulted in the past. After being treated by a doctor "acting out of charity", Cyrano gets up out of his bed and leaves to go keep his weekly appointment with Roxane. He asks to read Christian's last letter (which Cyrano, of course, actually wrote), and Roxane gives it to him. It is a moving farewell that Christian supposedly wrote in case of his death in battle. As Cyrano reads it aloud, Roxane remembers hearing the same voice speaking words of love to her long ago and notices how he is reading within the dark. She turns and sees that Cyrano is reciting the letter from memory, and realizes that not only did he write all of Christian's letters, but that she has actually always loved Cyrano, and he her. Two of Cyrano's best friends, Le Bret and Ragueneau, enter, concerned for Cyrano's health, and tell Roxane that Cyrano has "killed himself" by going to visit her. It is then that Cyrano is forced to admit that he is dying from his wound. Roxane now declares that she loves him and begs him not to die. But Cyrano grows delirious, stands up, and imagines that he is fighting a duel with Death himself, saying that it is better to fight in vain. Declaring that the only thing that cannot be taken away from him is his "panache" (i.e., honor; the word also means "a feathered headgear"), he dies in Roxane's arms.
The love story of Cyrano and Roxane is beautiful, evocative, and heartbreaking. Cyrano did a disservice to both himself and Roxanne by not revealing himself to her sooner.

Poor Cyrano's self-esteem was so low, he felt nobody, not even an ugly woman, and and much less someone as beautiful as Roxane, would or could love him, so he hid his true self, first behind the armor of his acid-tongued wit, and then behind the handsome face of his friend Christian. But Roxane, while believing she was in love with Christian, knew in her heart that she did not love Christian for his handsome face; she loved him for the beauty of his soul, beauty he expressed through his exquisite words to her.